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who dont hate mondays? BLUESssssssssss…….. im glad its ending in a few mins time. i slept like, less than 4hrs last nite….n im still writing furiously rite now. i wonder why. im tired, and really tired of everything who gave me a bother, and everyone who i bothered about. why be so NICE to ppl? i should change my name. i hate jaNICE. im not talking to anyone tonight cuz im experiencing my blue hues.. i will feel better tmr. as usual.

im so lazy tonight, i ought to run some errands after work..but i simply drove home straight. sighs.. i think i will hug my tis bad habit to my grave. wasting

i got a shock on fri night, and i am still trying to accept the reality. im really really really v dismayed. im so sad i cant even focus much the whole night.. i felt better the next day, but i know what i must do from now on. i will lose more than what i gained. and im serious!

auntie chua’s bday..on 25th is coming …… alongside the little one’s bday..on 26th .. i love birthdays. coz its all about the great day u r born xx yrs ago! we should all celebrate our birthdays, no matter how old we will be. lol u can censor the age. i will censor it when i celebrate mine next yr. ahahah…

why do ppl grow up? growing up and growing old is irritating. so many problems, so many troubles, so many bothers, so many worries, so many fears. do they come into our lives to help us grow up and learn , or to make us grow old and die wif many mistakes and regrets?

there is a funny fortune teller auntie who told me i always grumble abt my life even when im actually bestowed a good enough life. the problem with me is i complain but i dont do anything. its kindda complicated, the way i tink… haa.. ppl always behave or do some stuffs that unknowingly spells out the exact opposite of what they say out loud , that they don care anymore, they dont miss anymore, and nvr hv a tinge of feeling for the ppl who gave them memories once before in their lives. if they think deeper, they will start to tink about the whys. after starting to realise why, they start to make things simpler. either on purpose, or incidentally, until ppl shift their attention elsewhere.

half of year 2009 is almost gone. im looking fwd to my BKK trip with my gd frens in august and im looking fwd to “transformers” sequel !!! anything else to look fwd to ? hmm hmm hmm im looking fwd to waking up to a nicer day ahead. HEE HEE

i hate the stupid humidity out there. can u jus rain everyday?

happy father’s day to my dearest papa on 14th
i am so tired of explaining why i am nice. gd nites

written during the 4days when im in Maldives, lonely in my room
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im writing the entry without posting it on my blog yet, i will post it
when im back at sg..cuz this sux hotel only has DIALUP connection and it costs USD 16 per hr! so i don tink i wanna use something which i used 10over yrs ago. hahaha

today is my first day @ maldives, one of my desired destinations i’ve always yearned to go, thinking abt the beautiful beaches with crystal clear sparkling waters, n the nice resorts … under the sun.. woo… but then, bck to reality. hey im staying in Male island and this is the city, with loads of buildings,buildings,and buildings. all of them are compact,congested together wif only small alleys and lanes, driving here is a hassle coz the whole island is only abt 1.77sq km in area.
hving a bike is a more preferred choice here. 1/3 of the whole population of maldives r living on Male island, and its reallyyyy very boring if i were to stay here for good. its unlike having a vacation in the maldives, where the tourists will be going straight to the other islands where the 90 over resorts are, where the seas r blue n clear,where the beautiful coral reefs thrive,where the sands are white n inviting.

3hrs behind sg, the time difference aint that great but still im sleeping during the wee hrs(sg time) when its only midnight here. we’ve been eating,drinking,talking and entertaining nonstop whilst our stay here. everyting is expensive, almost the same as Seychelles..! nothing to shop, n nothing
much to do during our free time. poor boss. ahahhaa he cant hv his fave drinks until nite time comes n we get to travel by ferry to the airport island.
for me im ok but i would really want to spend time exploring out there instead of cooping up at the hotel but no choice, im here at the city… even though by now i know the way ard quite well but basically there r only buildings,motorcycles n ppl here. awwww…
our agents r nice ppl, taking gd care of us and thanks for the hospitality! really appreciate!

alright, gotta admit travelling wif boss has its privileges. first time travelling via business class on SQ! woo
although, yes im being served n taken care of(most importantly the space is great, im able to fall asleep during the 4 hr plus flight..) with the cabin crew keep on feeding u wif welcome drink, many many coffees thereafter, dinner served on cutlery u c in high class restaurants, the food is ALOT, and i mean alot!appetizer,main,ben & jerry ice cream,fruits,bread,chocolates,salad etc u’ll probably gain 1kg after u land. hahaha n free flow of the nicest drinks u
c in restaurants. but alas, i still think its not worth to spend ur own money on a biz class tix. but time really flies when u travel biz class,u can use ur lappy(charging), read the newest magazines n newspapers, a personal movie player etc. biz class r0x!

Today is the last day @ Male island. Yesterday night my customer got his speedboat to send us to one of the resort islands, it’s an eye opener for us coz finally we can see why maldives is one of the top ten fave destinations for vacations in the world. but too bad it started to rain and turning dark, so i couldnt take any pictures of the nice beaches. its a great experience for me - first time taking the speedboat on the rough seas , i think a person prone to getting sea sick will faint. lol

today is the 3rd and last day @ Male island.. im typing this b4 i prepare to pack my bags n take the ferry to the airport island for dinner n of cos my boss is happy to leave this island alas, coz the only places with alcohol r the resorts and airport island. There are no resorts on male island and the locals r not allowed to consume alcohol due to their muslim religion. the only regret, i guess, is not taking enough pictures of beautiful Maldives.
anyways im here to wrk n not hving a holiday so i couldnt expect much ya.

its 8 plus pm @ SG now, i wonder what r u doing? i miss my home, i miss my frens.. and i miss u im going homE!!! cheers~

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okie, i guess i should post this entry since now im happily lying on the sofa, watching my fave tv and hving my fave kopidiam coffee-xi ….heavens! i sudd realise , too much of anything is no good.. now tat im seldom at home, i miss my home alot, even if im alone in the house.. i tink i got many tings to do? lol

i’ve been travelling alot this yr, hv been overseas for 3 times already so far, not including gg to m’sia of cos.. ahahaha.. and im gg bkk again in aug :)) am thinking of gg somewhr far on vacation, mayb nearer end of the yr, hopefully the swine flu thingy is gg to die down by then, otherwise it would be hard to travel safe and sound.

i’ve been spending alot recently, n im scolding myself!
thr r all sorts of ppl in this world, n what u nvr expect from someone is the utmost lies in broad daylight, they ought to be banished to hell. or those insincere jerks, ps stay away frm my best friend. she deserves better. ok i tink im looking fwd to this coming saturday :)) hehehehe im proud of myself, im starting to write QUITE regularly agains.

time to upload those not-so-nice photos in maldives, and thereafter play abit of games, then turn in for the nite, tuesday…not tat blue finally!

nites nites folks ! ! !

oh well, im set on starting my writing regime, and so i ought to be a lil’  more disciplined .. since today is a blue monday, i ought to let go of my thoughts!

I HAVE NEVER SEEN SUCH A JERK IN MY WHOLE LIFE. may u go to hells.

and i don like that old lady. lol

its like almost 3am on a mon morning, n im still WIDE AWAKE. i wonder hw do i keep myself awake laters during wrk. darn.

ok folks, as if i hadnt posted everywhere that im going to that much-envious place, i will pronouce it again here - im going to Maldives (MA ER DAI FU) on coming sunday for work.. ya boringgz.. its like, so fast, the trip’s approved, planned, actioned, n alas! im flying off soon~! im coming bck on 29th morning, if i nvr kana quarantine, tat is. LOL

watched angels n demons on sat night, n i gave thumbs up for the plot (din read the story book though. books make me yawn) n i kept focused during the 2hr plus. it’s been a long time i din keep up wif the movie-going, recently hv been into family-bonding it may seem a lil bit ridiculous and unacceptable to some, but who cares ?? i dislike to be alone at home. i dislike emptiness.

i hv been quite paranoid recently, so i decide not to go for anymore fortune telling for the time being. i think too much when i know more. for twenty nine yrs i would say i did screw up my life somehow or another, but still i’m surviving. life is about surviving,

i tink my brain stopped working already. time to stop crapping n hit the sacks. NITE NITE!

i still remember this diary of mine.. do u still remember me?

u hv been following me faithfully thruout these few yrs , how much i’ve neglected u, or hw much i’ve depended on u to vent my frustrations, to express my thoughts, to spell out my vague fears, to share my tinge of ups, i can write, almost every other day. few days ago, i thought i ought to start to pen down an entry as my twenty nineth birthday arrives.

i returned home to an empty house (as usual) as the clock struck slightly past twelve jus now.  i enjoyed myself v much on my birthday eve, with auntie pauline & uncle jeffrey, & yan in the afternoon gg to the temples praying for my good, and a nice dinner & movie with my best friend Kelly :)) she is too shy to attend my bday carnival laters, thus she bought me dinner,dessert,movie and a pair of VERY VERY pretty earrings! thanks *muacks* and thank qew everyone who sms-ed me, called me, Msn-ed me, wrote on my facebook wall/friendster comments etc. U ARE ALL VERY SINCERE & WUSIM OK :)  im looking fwd to my bday carnival laters, with my nice colleagues and beloved friends surrounding me, nth much more count bliss. and thks for the early bday gifts i hv received! i love them all !  i wonder if my dad remembers its my birthday.  i still love him.

many things happened during the past year.. i din really appreciate 2008 and hoped 2009 to bring better days… i m going into another phase of my life as the thirties start in 2010. n i gasped at the regrets, at the underachievements, at the empty promises i’ve given to urs truly.  so far, i cringed @ the thought tat nth impressive has happened for the past 4mths. i had a couple of jerks out from messing up my life. is that something worth to mention? lol my fortune teller often tells me im too soft hearted n attracts bad attention. i think i ought to mould my character so the next good thing will come. i still will take the leap of faith.

its like,freaking hot these past weeks.. n i hate the humid weathers. i will love to live in a place with lonely winters. my workload is piling up.. as they always say, its a gd sign, coz it means my biz is gd.. but i wanna spend my time wif someone special, an integral part tat makes my life complete.  i know wad is my birthday wish this year. its will be the same as what i hv whispered sincerely to the gods jus now in my prayers.

tis entry will be somewhat different from the past, where i would write ALOT , tis time i will nt write abt the days of non-update, i will nt intro any gd songs nor talk abt upcoming flicks i wanna watch. but i hope i can get into my writing regime from now on, cuz writing really cures me a lil’.  

i’ve got loads to do later, i think i should get some sleep on my birthday.

i wish, i wish, i wish i should smile today.

hvn’t been writing anything here for half a year. gosh, time flies , isnt it? its nearing end of twenty-o-eight n im turning 29 soon *cries

hohoho, merry xmas! folks, its boxing day!… n next week we will welcome the new year ahead of us. did u actually believe in setting new year resolutions? oh well maybe u did and fulfilled all/most, but what i always set r either too far fetched, or wishful thinking on my part.. ahahah~ so often my list jus gets longer n longer each yr…

there r many times i feel like sitting down infront of my lappy n start to scribble jus anyting here in this neglected blog of mine.. where it once is my salvation place.. i cried out my grievances, spelt out my unhappiness, n poured out my sorrows here. but since july earlier, i hv no qualms abt keeping all my thoughts, my feelings inside me.. im actually applauding myself for bluffing good. in order to not let anyone be unhappy. afterall, i wish the ones i love to be happy.

its not a good year , many things hv happened, n as the saying goes, the world doesnt revolve ard u alone. no matter what, u still hv to move on. the only stuffs that clung onto you perhaps are sweet or negative incidents/ memories and regrets… its not abt whether this person is worth it or not, or wat anyone of us has done is right or wrong. things happen, things change, n we learn hw to let go, how to hold the nice flashbacks dear to our hearts.

i hv been finding it extremely hard to fall asleep lately. i might feel physically drained but im still wide awake at wee hours in the morning, n im bound to be late for work as usual i tink discipline,determination, the double (D)s are lacking in me. damn.

watched IP MAN starring Donnie Yen few days ago, gosh i cant believe he still has tat kindda charm even when he is already hitting the big 40.. his fighting moves r fantastic! i guess some men really knows hw to keep his youth n looks. there r many upcoming flicks to look fwd to … ahh tats better… i din even bother to chk the movie websites for any new shows the past few mths..

oh yeah after heart of greed I, i’ve finally finished part II - moonlight resonance n i officially declare i’ve fallen for steward boy aka raymond lam.. who told his lovelorn beau that whenever she is unhappy, he will gladly lend all of his time to her. awww.. so sweeettt…. there r still good men out there, not only in dramas. ppl who will sacrifice,compromise, n give their best to the beloved.

yeshhhh, congrats me, i FINALLY started to clean/tidy my room, n on my way to revamp its look totally.. though now my stuffs r cluttered all over the floor, but i wil get rid of the unwanted, n replace the Wanted. yup if i wanna see u again, my room will hv a fresh cosy look by then :)

great.. a xmas party with my dear frens yesterday, good food and fun games!! n our bangkok shopping spree 2nd - 6th jan09.. mayb a short break will help me clear my brooding mind n prepare me to brave the new year,hopefully better days. basically almost half the mth im out of SG..cool~~  february maybe planning a trip to genting as well.. hv nt been there for years.. its always good to take a weekend break for a getaway, from the stress, the troubles and the irritating thoughts. yup im definitely looking fwd to our yearly gathering with my good frenz at my house on nye.. steamboat ! n some mj perhaps? lol i tink mayb i shld set knowing n loving mj as a condition for anyone who fancies me.

soon it will be cny after i come bck frm mahe.. though i always envy those big big families cuz cny is nv boring for them.. to some they might be looking fwd to the more than 1 day public holiday n receiving monetary aid in the form of angbaos and gathering with relatives u might only c once a year.. to some it might be jus a few days of no-work n endless gambling sessions…? to me, i only want a nice reunion dinner, n jus my small family to be together.

i simply adore what jeremy wrote in his frenster profile.

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People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that person. When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow or learn. They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it, it is real. But only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons, things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant. Thanks to all, who have been there for me.

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hmm although dec ought to be a festive mth with many upcoming celebratory events n holiday moods, i don really feel the excitement except for the rainy weathers cuz i love the smell of rain *sniff* at work its not tat smooth sailing too.. uncertainty abt our “sympathy grant” n we din hv our D&D this year, in place is a xmas party held at our premises.. with the recent economic slump.. there is a drastic drop in shipments tat made us panic at drooping profits in 4th quarter 08 but i finally conquered the 40k benchmark i set for myself .. but am consoled at the fact tat i hv such a great assistant - Ms Pink to help me.. i moved to another desk too, n even tho many ppl told me its ajinx place i don really care except for added privacy and a better boost to work lets hope tis new place wil bring me some luck eh?? HEEHEE gambatte ne!

loneliness is the worst pain in this world.

loneliness.. the feeling that made you want to be with someone to begin with. but now, after being with him/her, you feel even more alone. alone because the one who is supposed to understand you, doesn’t. solitude because what you like and what you want doesn’t seem to matter to him/her, and cold because the heat and warmth that was once there has been replaced by anger and resentment. alone and afraid to let go, hope feels like a song you haven’t heard in a long time, and when that tune plays in your mind, you wander to somewhere long ago. long ago where once you might have been happy?

then, out of nowhere, temptation comes along in the form of a fresh and juicy fruit. the temptation is perfect in every way, glistening and reflective, warm and happy to the touch. this is truly a heavenly bliss where nothing can go wrong… at least it would appear so to you. the apples in the supermarkets always look perfect and fresh because they are waxed on the outside to preserve its looks on the outside. However, you will find that after the first bite, and enough time passed, it will lose its luster and and its flesh will turn from a glistening white to a dullish brown. so… then what do you do? if each boat we jump is from one slow cooker to another, whats the point? the point is if you have gone thru this once, twice, too many times… then you are the problem. you are not happy with yourself and that is why you pretend to be someone you are not, someone to make him/her happy, someone to do what is necessary to be accepted… wanted. then that someone you pretended to be becomes a prison to who you are, so you run away to the next temptation after another, but only to find you are merely breaking our of your cell, but not your prison. and your prison is you. sometimes we hv to reflect on ourselves

i tink, the prob with me is i hv a v short attention span to things i do, stuffs or people i love or adore. sometimes i sit down n think abt freaking out when i tot of spending the rest of my lifespan loving just one person after walking down the aisle. hmm the only good ting from me wil be.. at one point or another, the important tings/ppl wil always enjoy first class attention from me. *beams* i jus detest to lose, but to be frank im easy to letting go(wotever it takes me) if its me getting tired alas.

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my new year hopes are…

- to hit rolex in my p&l

- to hv a new bag for the new year!

- to hv a male puppy~ (but this wont actualise, its jus a fetish)

- to hv new sunglasses, n new specs

- my room to hv a new look

- i wan to be taken care of.

- diet

- to be more diligent in my life. many times im very lazy.

- to be happier.

- to travel 2 times at least !

- kinship rekindled

- to be healthier

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alright, i tink i shld hit the sacks. freako its 2am. cheers!

happy new yr folks!